Skip to main content

On Friendship

The summer between 3rd & 4th grade our family moved from Lubbock, Texas to Richland Hills,Texas. This was a devastating blow to my security. I was crushed and clearly struggling when my dad took me to Braum's for a conversation about friendship.

His first recommendation was to "Be the friend you are seeking in others." He believed if you concentrated on extending friendship to others in a kind and gracious manner you will always have an abundance of friends.

He also shared that I should become know as the person where the gossip stops. He said that it would always be spoken to me but I alone had the choice on how to use my influence. And he described the person who mixed gossip with their influence as one who walks around with gum on the bottom of their shoe. By that he meant something originally thought a tasty morsel becomes both annoying and embarrassing due to it's connection to you.

And he taught me how to listen for people's story and validate it. He said that if you look someone in the eye with compassion their story will come tumbling out. He suggested to me that it is indeed an honor to carry the joy or pain of that person's story. He said if the person continues to share the same story over and over then their pain is so great that they did not hear your heartfelt acknowledgement for their agony the first time. And so you continue again and again to be God's love reaching into their life until they CAN receive it.

He also suggested that I pray daily to see people as God sees them and from that insight choose to use my words to encourage others. He shared that we all carry around a list of "should ofs" that beats us up and that you never know the power your words will have to quiet the "should ofs" and release the "created fors" in someone.

I would have to say his suggestions have served me well and were so easily absorbed into my life because they were exhibited so clearly in his.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Where I am from.......310, 512, 915, 903, 214, 917, 815

I got a confirmation e-mail for my daughter's session to Horse Camp in Dallas. I looked through it and noticed the contact number is a 512 area code. That's Austin, I thought to myself. Must be her cell. When we moved from Dallas to Fort Worth I did not change my cell number. In fact the area codes listed in the title are friends of mine who no longer live in that area code but kept their number. We keep our numbers due to contractual obligations. Or we keep it to remain connected to our contacts. And of course convenience plays into this as well. It occurred to me that these 3 digits are part of our story. They tell where we are from. As a life coach I often hear the following. "These people knew me at this stage of my life but that is not me anymore. I have changed. I am afraid to reconnect with them. I hope they do not see me how I was." Their fear seems to stem from a moral failure,a dissolved marriage or the perception of unmet potential. The basic question is ...

Tick, tick, tick...

When I was fresh out of college I went to work at a place where my boss told me I was too idealistic and optimistic. He went on to say Deana in time you will come to know your limitations. His statement cut me like a knife. Sadly the place I worked was a church and my boss an older minister whose journey left him burned out. I know a lot of people who are trapped with him in a place where disappointment and pain have wrapped their heart so tightly that their purpose has been traded for provision. The unique dream God deposited in them has become submissive to the soul's truth. Their resignation from their God appointed purposes quietly submitted. Their life secure, stable, responsible... and boring. Something is missing. Easter Sunday we traveled to the church where my parents attend. On the way we passed an establishment that was a known swingers hangout. We were happy to find it had closed. I commented, "I am so glad they closed. That is an answer to prayer." We had a...

Tis the Season to be Gentle

There is a layer of frost on the ground this morning. It's chill might as well be wrapped around my heart. My friends are hurting. A LOT of my friends are hurting A LOT. It seems the slightest momentum of Christmas spirit is halted by upsetting news. My current prayer list includes : A friend whose teenage daughter ran away with her lover, a friend whose fiance died of a heart attack 3 weeks after his proposal, a friend who has walked away from his amazing wife and his baby boy, two friends whose jobs are sucking the life out of them, one friend who is seriously ready for him to put a ring on it, another friend whose husband just lost his job, and the teeth of divorce are gnawing on yet another friend. Add to that those reeling from loved ones taken in death or caring for loved ones battling disease and the pain level is maxed out. I can honestly tell you my heart is ACHING for those I love during this season to be jolly. Looking at my calendar I recognize how busy this season can ...