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A Flicker

Last week the storms came through and at one point our home's lights dimmed, flickered, and then returned to brightness. This occurrence made me think about my mother. In the most recent months she has been diagnosed with dementia. From day to day I am never quite sure if her mind will be dim or bright. Some days it starts a bit dim then a flicker seems to occur and she is bright again.

This has thrown me for a loop on multiple levels. I've had countless tear filled conversations with God. At other times I have shook my fist at Him in rage. My overwhelming thought is THIS IS NOT FAIR. I WANT MY MOMMY. After my fit I crawl into His arms for comfort. I can think of no other place to go.

I think my hardest hurdle is the regret that accompanies this. Why didn't I talk more and watch television less on my visits to her home. Why didn't I plan more grandmother dates for my mom and my daughter? Why...it is the word that is causing me the greatest amount of pain.

WHY is the reason I am writing this. None of us knows what the future holds. My hope is that today you will stop and call your mom. Have a pleasant conversation that is all about her. Ask questions about her youth. Invite her to relive her first date with your dad, her wedding, how she felt when you were born. Ask questions about her favorites : vacation, song, Bible verse, holiday, song. Leave yourself out of the equation and focus on blessing her.

Time keeps on slipping into the future. -Steve Miller
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