Clever Characters

The phone rings and I answer. Tell me more about your child. What is going on at school? How long does homework take nightly? What is their attitude like? Panic, anger, and fear tumble awkwardly out. Can you help my child? My response is simple, "Sounds like we need to get an accurate picture of what is going on. We need an assessment to show us how your child learns and where they are academically." With that one call their journey to hope has begun. The parent and child arrive for the assessment. I sit and talk with the parents while the assessment is taken. It is so common to hear, "My child has developed a horrible attitude" or "My child lies to me all the time about school" or "my child's teacher says he daydreams all the time." From my experience I know these are common coping mechanisms. I remember in fourth grade I was a daydreaming fool. I was overwhelmed by a new school and math was torture. I would leave to a happy place in Lubbock...

Last week the storms came through and at one point our home's lights dimmed, flickered, and then returned to brightness. This occurrence made me think about my mother. In the most recent months she has been diagnosed with dementia. From day to day I am never quite sure if her mind will be dim or bright. Some days it starts a bit dim then a flicker seems to occur and she is bright again. This has thrown me for a loop on multiple levels. I've had countless tear filled conversations with God. At other times I have shook my fist at Him in rage. My overwhelming thought is THIS IS NOT FAIR. I WANT MY MOMMY. After my fit I crawl into His arms for comfort. I can think of no other place to go. I think my hardest hurdle is the regret that accompanies this. Why didn't I talk more and watch television less on my visits to her home. Why didn't I plan more grandmother dates for my mom and my daughter? Why...it is the word that is causing me the greatest amount of pain. WHY is the rea...

I remember a conversation with my Life Coach about ten years ago. I was hurting. My heart was breaking. I truly thought it was more than I could bear. What he said was life changing. "Stop carrying this in your mind. Move it to your heart and let God carry it with you. Your mind was not made to carry this. God works in ways your mind cannot understand. But your heart was made to link with His. He wants to carry this." Fast forward 7 years. The amount of pain and disappointment we have walked through as a family makes the pain of ten years ago seem like a pinprick. Cancer, unemployment, death of a parent, miscarriage, more unemployment, difficult people, dementia, heath issues, car trouble and that is the stuff I can list in a public forum. The difficult path my family is on includes extended family members as well. About the time I think things are making a turn for the better there is more news to process and release to God. When sharing details with a friend she commented, ...

Tuesday night I went upstairs to get Katie Beth for dinner. I found her seated in the family room with her father deep in conversation. When KB turned around I could tell she had been crying. As Brad looked at me he said, "I think you should ask your mom about this too." And so she did. "Mom, why did Adam and Eve have to sin? What made them want to do things their way instead of God's way. Why didn't God stop them? And now look around at our world, so many people are hurting from sin." Tears ran down her face. I won't go into my response because I want to focus on her wisdom. At eight she knows that individual sin impacts generations. She knows sin is the choice of not yielding our will to God's desire. In short she understands the root of sin is self. AKA selfish, self-reliant, self serving... Sin, the decision to allow "my will" into the driver's seat instead of "God's will", separates me from God. Sometimes my driving ...

I took Katie Beth and two of her friends to the circus this summer. I jotted down the following observations while I was there. 1. People attending actually dress as clowns. WHOLE families showed up in clown attire. Which leads me to the obvious question: Why? It is 5 million degrees and the way your clown make up is running down your face scares me. 2. Watching the acrobats perform I was reminded of a fantastic book I read this summer. Think Differently, Live Differently by Bob Hamp. You should read it. 3. What leads one to the following declaration, " Mom when I grow up I want to train zebras." ? 4. When we were led in the National anthem I made the scientific discovery that by and large Texans can sing pretty darn good. 5. Not sure what this is about but I was very jealous of the sheen of the horses' hair. Seriously how do they get that beautiful shine? I think my hair is having a mid-life crisis. 6. Souvenirs: Boys want a sword. Girls want a stuffed animal. Hmmm, boy...

I have battled faulty thinking off and on my whole life. The flow goes like this. I believe God loves me BUT He HAS TO to love me for crying out loud by definition HE IS LOVE. Therefore God's love is all about HIM and not necessarily about ME. The thinking discounts His love for ME and makes me feel as if it is an obligation or chore to love me. The same thinking warps how I think Brad sees me. It goes like this. He has to love me because he is my husband. He promised God he always would. Deep sigh, but does he even like me? Separating my thinking from God's truth has been very difficult. One of the most comforting verses in the Bible for me is "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5. In my mind's eye I picture myself placing all my weight on a pile of words that explode. And then I hit the ground, HARD. As you can imagine this unbridled thinking is a far cry from the abundant life God wants for me. When I learn...

When Brad and I were first dating we had a conversation about money that we have referred back to many times. I was teaching kindergarten at the time and sharing my frustration about teaching the value of twenty-five cents. He pulls a coin out of his pocket and said,"Deana just hand them a quarter." I thanked him for the solution, pocketed the newly aquired quarter, rolled my eyes dramatically and said, "or 25 pennies, two dimes, and a nickel, fifteen pennies and a dime, there are many correct answers to this one question!" He grinned and playfully said, "I guess there is more to it than just a quarter. I'm glad I'm not the Kindergarten Teacher." To this day when we face a challenge and are getting frustrated during our brainstorming Brad will pop out the word, "Quarter" several times in a row and we will laugh. "Quarter,quarter" is an instant reminder that life's questions can have more than one right answer. Recently I hav...

I got a confirmation e-mail for my daughter's session to Horse Camp in Dallas. I looked through it and noticed the contact number is a 512 area code. That's Austin, I thought to myself. Must be her cell. When we moved from Dallas to Fort Worth I did not change my cell number. In fact the area codes listed in the title are friends of mine who no longer live in that area code but kept their number. We keep our numbers due to contractual obligations. Or we keep it to remain connected to our contacts. And of course convenience plays into this as well. It occurred to me that these 3 digits are part of our story. They tell where we are from. As a life coach I often hear the following. "These people knew me at this stage of my life but that is not me anymore. I have changed. I am afraid to reconnect with them. I hope they do not see me how I was." Their fear seems to stem from a moral failure,a dissolved marriage or the perception of unmet potential. The basic question is ...

On this particular Saturday I was downstairs in the office listening to a podcast. I thought I heard Brad and Katie Beth laughing really hard through the headphones. I WAS WRONG. Brad came down with a look on his face that is best described as terror. He needed me upstairs. Katie Beth had been crying really hard, not laughing. As he was blow drying her hair she leaned on a vase causing it to shatter. Her finger was split wide open. Blood was everywhere. Let me restate that A LOT OF BLOOD WAS EVERYWHERE!!! The floor, the sink, the counter, the mirror, their clothes...EVERYWHERE. I applied pressure to the cut. Eventually we determined that a trip to the E.R. was not necessary. Brad began cleaning up the blood and broken glass. Eventually the blood clotted and I sent Katie Beth to her room to recover. As we continued cleaning the mess Brad and I shared a tense conversation. He was angry because he had told her not to lean on the vase and she disobeyed. "Deana she could have..........

Mother's Day is sooo overrated. Perhaps this has not been the case for you but for several of my friends last Sunday's disappointment produced a flood of tears still trickling days later. I am not sure of all the reasons this day has become such a letdown, but it has for many. I know expectations play a role, then there is the whole confusion of who honors who, and how they should be honored. So I want to help you out with a few observations. Guys do not tell your wife, "But your not my mom." This will be met with a waterfall of tears. Daughters do not say to your mom, "What have YOU planned for Mother's Day? Remember this year I am a mom too?" And in general avoid statements like,"You're JUST a step mom do you celebrate mother's day?" And guys, we really do want to honor your mom but PLEASE do not make us feel like sloppy seconds or an afterthought. It hurts. After a few days to ponder this I think several forces are at play. First are...

Can I ask you a question? If I have heard that phrase once in my marriage I have heard it a thousand times. It has always cracked me up that Brad asks if he can ask a question rather than just firing away. Last night was no exception. He called me onto the patio to enjoy the beautiful night and he asked, "Can I ask you a question?" I replied with "Just one?" He grinned and said,"Why do I think I can make a difference in the world?" This question could easily come from the heart of any of us so I decided to share my response. You believe you can make a difference in the world because God told you that you could. When you were in your mother's womb God was with you. He was there for nine months. His spirit connected to you without distraction. It was as if the two of you were one. He was speaking your mission into you and wiring you for it at the same time. When God speaks....He creates.....a thought uttered by Him becomes a reality. So God spoke "m...

Wednesday mornings are sacred. I drive to a church in Argyle to meet with a group of ladies none of which I have much in common with on the surface. There is a bold grandmother whose husband is battling cancer, a sassy single mom of two girls, a spunky newlywed who has 9 children, a feisty single professional working with a start-up company offering mortgages specifically tailored for public servants, a generous grandmother whose husband is a non believer, a kind mom battling very painful physical ailments and a beautiful mom of two and ministry leader. We are supposed to be studying a book called Nurture by Lisa Bevere . Somewhere along the path we stopped studying nurture and became nurture. The allotted time has shifted. We share each other's lives more and discuss the latest chapter of the book less. I think Lisa would be proud because we are living out what she has written about. “Women –daughters and mothers- of all ages need to awaken and recover their capacity to nurture ju...

For as long as I can remember I have made a scheduled "to do" list. I am not sure all of the reasons why but this list makes me feel secure. Sometimes I actually add things at the end of the day so that I can mark a line through them. Weird I know. I am a strategic planner who very much enjoys the sense of accomplishment that rolls over me at the end of the day when I review my "to do" list. Because God does not have cable and enjoys a good sitcom I am married to Brad. When we first married Brad was quick to point out that the word list is a four letter word. Brad is spontaneous, impulsive, and wired full throttle for adventure. As a family we are in a very unique season. Transition is our current theme and we are seeking God's will for everything in our lives. So my "to do" list has only one item. 1.GOD: Listen and obey. As you can imagine this has been a struggle for me. I keep wanting to sit down the night before and make "the list" but I ...

When I was fresh out of college I went to work at a place where my boss told me I was too idealistic and optimistic. He went on to say Deana in time you will come to know your limitations. His statement cut me like a knife. Sadly the place I worked was a church and my boss an older minister whose journey left him burned out. I know a lot of people who are trapped with him in a place where disappointment and pain have wrapped their heart so tightly that their purpose has been traded for provision. The unique dream God deposited in them has become submissive to the soul's truth. Their resignation from their God appointed purposes quietly submitted. Their life secure, stable, responsible... and boring. Something is missing. Easter Sunday we traveled to the church where my parents attend. On the way we passed an establishment that was a known swingers hangout. We were happy to find it had closed. I commented, "I am so glad they closed. That is an answer to prayer." We had a...

On the first snow day of the year Katie Beth and her dog Curly had so much fun outside. They played and played and played.During all that playing there were several outfit changes. The front door opened and I thought she was entering the house for another such change when I heard her crying."The kids started making fun of Curly and it hurt my heart." When she defended Curly a boy called her the s-word,stupid. It took a good five minutes to get the tears turned off. We talked and she prayed for God to help her forgive the children and the boy. And then she shared. "Mom I understand what was happening satan tried to frost my heart so those parts would die but when I forgave God came in with a hair dryer and warmed them back up."

"Mom I ate lunch by myself at school today." Instantly I wondered what Katie Beth had done to keep her from the table with the other children. Children are seated by themselves for two reasons:Peanut allergy or as a consequence. I ask "Why did you have to sit by yourself KB? " She answered that she had forgotten her money in the classroom and come into the lunch room after all the seats were taken. "Mom it was wonderful. There was peace and quiet and I could hear God clearly. It was perfect I wish I could sit with God everyday." I was amazed. About this time Brad chimed in "Katie Beth sometimes I spend my time with God as my lunch buddy." They talked back and forth about how great it was to have this precious time with the Lord. Next I heard Brad give Katie Beth a warning. "Princess remember Satan tries to turn the good things of God into bad. Satan is going to tell you when you are alone with God that you do not have any friends and that b...

One look at Katie Beth after school and I could see she'd been deflated. "Mom I had the most horrible day. I am a horrible writer. Writing is so hard and my teacher fussed at me. Oh mom what am I going to do because I will always have to write." Sob, sob, sob, SOB, SOB,SOB...she crumbles into my arms while tears flood her face. I asked, "What if you're not? What if you are NOT a horrible writer?" Everything shifted with that one question. "What happened exactly?" "Well my teacher was grouchy and she fussed and then I thought I was a horrible writer." Did she say you were a horrible writer? No . Did you feel very upset and anxious? Yes . Philippiansa4:6-7 "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful ...

There is a layer of frost on the ground this morning. It's chill might as well be wrapped around my heart. My friends are hurting. A LOT of my friends are hurting A LOT. It seems the slightest momentum of Christmas spirit is halted by upsetting news. My current prayer list includes : A friend whose teenage daughter ran away with her lover, a friend whose fiance died of a heart attack 3 weeks after his proposal, a friend who has walked away from his amazing wife and his baby boy, two friends whose jobs are sucking the life out of them, one friend who is seriously ready for him to put a ring on it, another friend whose husband just lost his job, and the teeth of divorce are gnawing on yet another friend. Add to that those reeling from loved ones taken in death or caring for loved ones battling disease and the pain level is maxed out. I can honestly tell you my heart is ACHING for those I love during this season to be jolly. Looking at my calendar I recognize how busy this season can ...

When Brad and I got engaged we asked a small group of close friends to pray for several weeks about our engagement and seek God's blessing on it. We both agreed we did not want to enter into marriage without HIS blessing. I realize this sounds a bit strange to some. I think it is best explained by our total trust in God. We had both seen God work powerfully in our lives and honestly trusted His ways over our own thinking. And sure that is code for "we had each MESSED our lives up trying to do things OUR way" before we met. When the day of blessing came there were precious words to confirm our union, scriptures given to anchor our marriage, and prayers to seal these words onto our hearts. I continue to go back to my journal entry where these words and scriptures are recorded for strength on the days I know we, as a couple, are facing challenges. The next few days fall into that category. Tomorrow we will bury Brad's mom in Tennessee. I know it will be difficult but I a...

When I think of joy I think of my daughter Katie Beth. She truly lives life to the fullest and often cracks me up. In the picture she is showing me her latest bike trick. I have included some KB stories from this week. ENJOY! The other night we were in Home Depot and she was riding on my back. The game was for me to try and buck her off. All of a sudden she states loudly "Mom you are one big mother bucker." I laughed so hard I cried. And of course others laughed too. She still has no idea why that was so funny. Same day, moments later, still at Home Depot...Katie Beth climbs up on a wall and starts singing "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" while strutting her stuff. I was shocked! It was hilarious!!! So I ask the origin of the dance and coordinating moves. Alas Alvin and the Chipmunks have poisoned my daughter's mind. And she now understands why that song and dance is not a good choice. Same day on the way home "Mom I know why Madison a...